Except I will leave home without them. Perusing the menu, I’ll casually say, “I’m not wearing panties,” then take a sip of my martini as I lift my gaze to meet his reaction.
Do I have a boyfriend? No. An upcoming first date? No. Then why is this attention I’m giving Valentine’s Day, an aforementioned wicked holiday, and the female body, turning me on? Perhaps it’s genuine good karma from posting “Best of…” lists. After finishing Day 1’s post, which took much longer than anticipated, I felt the writer’s version of a runner’s high. I read it over and over, editing time and again, not caring one whit if no one read it.
It was enough that I’d accomplished what I set out to do. The world around me faded while I worked–and it was work–on that post. Time ceased to exist, and hunger pains and the urgent need to pee couldn’t tear me away from my task. That’s love. Work I loved. Hitting “Publish” that night, last night, too, affected me like a great martini–it hit all the right spots.
You see, work I love was another fantasy of mine and it’s coming true. Healing my hurting body, another one. With a mixture of holistic and traditional treatments–I gave myself my first Enbrel injection yesterday–I’m reclaiming it from pain and damage. I want to run naked through fields of wildflowers. It sounds silly, I know, but unless you’ve lived most of your life in pain, it’s hard to comprehend what this means to me.
Contrary to the blog title of my little 5 day guide, I’m not a bitter or jealous 43 year old vegan. If this is “all” I get–to live in a healthy, pain-free body and the energy to write and read with passion every day–then you’ll not find a happier woman.
With or without panties.