“Sending out an SOS…”


As I watched more snowflakes fall from a tired sky, sudden sympathy grew for Jack Nicholson’s writer character in The Shining. OK, our situations weren’t identical–I lacked a menacing, empty hotel in the Colorado mountains, creepy twin ghosts (though I have one who taps me on the shoulder four times once in a while) or a bloody horror in my bathtub (the scariest part of the book for me), but white apartment walls and snow, my god, the snow, grew stifling, and if I didn’t take decisive action, I risked going doolally.

I kept the email to friends short and sweet: someone, take me somewhere. Anywhere. I needed human connection. And a cocktail. Manna materialized–a lightning strike reply from G, my 6’4″ Mighty Mouse flying by to save the day. So mighty that he carried friend, J, with him to rescue me.

I showed the depth of my gratitude by being ready when they got here. Readying myself for anything took twice as long with chronic pain; with pride and appropriate winter wear in place, I greeted them at the door. Golden karma flowed through me, creating campfire warmth much like my future Chipotle Pineapple Martini. I was shining inside.

Dear friends–sitting with me and working–great food, shared stories, and laughter lent a rosy glow to my cheeks. Well, that and the prednisone (and probably the martini), but a glow all the same. And it failed to dim when my eyes beheld the man with whom I shared the best sex of my life as he walked towards the restroom. Still glowed as he shot a darting glance my way returning to wherever he sat behind me.

Chatting continued while flashbacks played: naked bodies tangled up in sunlight, wanting his taste and hardness in my mouth forever, greedy feasting between parted legs, refusing pleas for his cum, straddling, guiding him into me, slower, tongue flicking breast buds, suckling, head back, christ, can’t hold it, wait, wait, fuck, I’m coming, thrusts, fuck, shaking, kissing, kissing, still in me, face in hands, drowning in kisses.

I relived it in seconds, high, bong hit high, spreading heat and quickened pulse releasing water goddess essence. No need to look back. Swallowed him down to savor coffee, cake, and companions. Everything sweeter, my cravings fed.

2 thoughts on ““Sending out an SOS…”

  1. Oh this post flows, the writing flows and everything else ! Your description of the restaurant is great, but made even better by the campfire analogy. I love the idea of the campfire, I often described a positive classroom as being an analogous campfire.

    and then Mr ‘best-ever’ (so, you have a league table).., emotion and memory are wonderfully involuntary systems. Emotion sitting in the Limbic System speaking through the Amygdala can just overpower the frontal cortex, and suddenly memory is helping it on it’s devious way !

    Wonderfully candid descriptions of that union, a spot of voyeurism before breakfast always helps one appreciate the filter !

    Thanks for sharing a post which captures such contrasting events in the same moment. It’s a very hard thing to do, and one which you have achieved beautifully.

    ps – The Shining is my favourite horror film, can’t get that kid on the trike squeaking down the hallways out of my head…,

    1. Goosebumps. Thank you.

      More like a league plate, a dessert plate at that. Yes, it was fabulous sex, but he didn’t have a great deal of competition to earn that title. In retrospect, the fabulousness of it had more to do with my being naked in all aspects. A complete disregard for past shame, insecurities, fear…it was the first sexual experience in which I know I was beautiful. I was beautiful. And as thrilled to give and give more as to receive.

      I fight the fear I may not have that again. I’m happy to shower love on others in all the various ways, but to not share it in such an intimate manner would be a thing of sorrow. A bit of my heart breaking off into a sea filled with the world’s broken pieces, the constant ebb and flow carrying it away.

      P.S. I’ve been to the hotel where Kubrick shot some of the scenes for The Shining…

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