YOU KNOW ME SO WELL

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Let me preface this by reminding you I have had sex twice in well over a decade. Allow that to sink in for a moment.

For those who’ve just joined us, this sad record is a result of decaying illnesses and marriage. Don’t believe the Seinfeld “Master of My Domain” episode, where Elaine has to put in $200 to the guys’ $100 bet on how long they could go without masturbating. That pissed me off, men assuming women don’t crave, dream about, talk about, write and think incessantly about, and miss sex terribly. It’s a myth. A part of me is starving. Imagine not being touched or touching in an intimate, desirous way for over ten years. It physically hurts.

The “Men: What are They Good For?” post was written while riding a tide of sexual and cerebral frustration. Bitter. Envy, parched, angry, too, after a rough couple of weeks with men in hindsight or the present, the last being my rheumatologist on Friday. Know how to piss off your doctor? Point out he was wrong about three things. Not as fun as it sounds ’cause you trust them to be right. Goodbyes said, I sat waiting to have blood drawn, my confidence in him shaken even as I congratulated myself on standing my ground.

The “Men” post poured forth when this wave of emotions reached almost orgasmic heights. Over ten years, people. Doesn’t take much. And one comment. I don’t write for comments, but…one comment, about my use of “fucking.”

Thank fuck (oops) for my oldest friend in the world. Her text after reading “Men”:

L: “He (Peter Dinklage) is awesome! I loved The Station Agent. So what guy pissed you off this week? Whoever it is he ain’t worth it sister. And I know u know there are some fine gentlemen out there but well if you are tired of all men you could always experiment on the other side…At least they’d be familiar with the g-spot. Lol. Love u!

Me: You know me so well. It’s actually been an amalgamation of men ending with my rheumie doctor who I saw the day I wrote that post. Plus I truly want to shine a light on the stigma that those with mental illness, chronic illness, and apparently dentures–who are open and getting treatment and taking great care of their bodies and minds-don’t deserve to be thought of as sexual and desirable beings. See the photo of the hot chick amputee jogging on the beach? Got several likes for that. Say you have dentures or RA or mental illness…but esp. dentures it seems and nothing. Not one like or WAY TO GO! etc. No legs below the knee-fine. Fake teeth-gross and you must’ve done something to deserve it. You’re a peach and I love ya…

L: People are ignorant, L. It is like blaming me for B having food allergies- it is in her genes. Your RA and genes are the cause of you losing your teeth. Anyone who says otherwise can bend backwards and French kiss their ass. And shit there is way too much judgment going on in our society. We can be so hypocritical. Who of us does not bestow a flaw in character or imperfection in acceptable beauty. Embrace true beauty!

I’m trying, L. I am.

Lack of communication is unhealthy.

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