It’s not looking good for the 43YOV. I’m 103 pages into Have Him at Hello: Confessions from 1,000 Guys About What Makes Them Fall in Love…or Never Call Back (why not be open-minded and read M’s recommended dating books?) and guess what? I’ve unknowingly sabotaged the few first dates I had and men from asking me out in the first place.
I worked tirelessly these last five years to find peace, forgiveness, and my voice, grow courage, strength, confidence, and love in myself. I made choices that opened my heart, filling me with compassion, empathy, and understanding for all beings. Apparently, men don’t find substance attractive, at least on the first date. I get it. Since time immemorial basic biology (and chemistry) have determined who was deemed date-worthy. Second date-worthy.
It boils down to this–the first date equals Psych 101 in college. Weeding out the bad seeds, the perceived bad seeds. Perception equals assumption in dangerous qualities to bring on a first date. And yes, I know this goes both ways. Let’s be honest, though. Men do most of the asking out, even today. Greenwald herself proclaims, “Don’t EVER ask him out.” They hold all the cards, cards that list qualities of every stereotype of a woman they won’t ask out again. Just walking together down a street is rife with misconstrued signs that you’re not “the One.”
Stop to pet a cute dog and you’re desperate for a ring and a baby. Don’t pet the cute dog and you’re not nurturing. Salivate over a beautiful (expensive) house and you’re a gold digger. Walk too close or brush against him once and you’re moving too fast. Don’t lean in with goo goo-eyed fascination when asking about his life, work, hobbies, favorite movies, and best childhood memories and you’re self-centered and cold. Yadda, yadda, yadda.
My negative qualities (not including illness and dentures): my hair’s too short, too confident, independent, don’t dress femininely enough, oh, and I’m not a teacher, nurse, or chef (men’s top three occupation choices for women they date; are we surprised–they scream, “Nurturing!”).
I’m an amalgamation of the top ten first date deal-breakers for men (meaning no second date); that being so, my best bet if someone should ask me out is to keep the date short, not speak (which means no cocktail), giggle seductively (is that possible without a cocktail?) in a sexy (but not too sexy) dress, and nod appreciatively at everything he says, but only after I grow out my hair, learn to cook three meals expertly, graduate from phlebotomy school, and earn my yoga instructor certification.