Greenwald’s telling it like it is in the 21st century dating world. Can’t fault her for that. Of course, she’s a professional dating coach/matchmaker so she has her “make or break” 1st dating to-do’s and don’ts’. I recognize traits in myself within the 16+ negative stereotypes men (mis)perceive in women that keep them from asking for a second. All women would. If she (and the men she interviewed) made it sound like men are picky, it’s because they are. They can afford to be–as of 2008, I think, there were 20 million more single women than men in the US.

And that’s what makes me sad while reading this; women have been and will always be at a disadvantage as regards dating, but in other areas of life, too. Yes, we’ve freedom that women in Africa, the Middle East, and Egypt lack. I’m not comparing our situation to the deplorable treatment of women in other parts of the world. I’m just saying “we’ve come a long way, baby” and still have to “tweak,” tone down, dress more femininely , edit our actions, gestures, words, and personalities to peak a man’s interest enough for a second date.

That being said, I’m keeping an open mind about it. I made notes about traits that could put men off me and the “tweaks” to use in bettering my chances of getting a call-back. See, it seems desperate. And I’m not. As a person who needs to be around people, I’m alone too much and often lonely. I thrive around others. And the reasons behind this and resulting behavior that scares off men go deeper than being “desperate.” I don’t want kids. I don’t want to remarry.

Anyways, I’m thrilled that It’s Not You is waiting for me at the library. I’ve carried and tossed out a lot of baggage already; excuse the lack of excitement in shouldering all the blame for a bad first date, too.


  1. Don’t change yourself for anybody. If someone is “put off” by you, then they aren’t right for you. They don’t deserve you because they don’t appreciate you. I think this book is wrong to encourage people to edit and alter themselves just to impress a bunch of uptight blokes.
    I believe that if you just live your life and be happy, then that will attract the right person for you. You will definitely make friends and be happier that way.
    If you change yourself trying to entice the wrong man, the right man might not recognise you for who you really are, because you’ve hidden parts of your personality. Be yourself, because you are fantastic.
    Just a thought.

    1. Your comment was the first thing I read this morning and, as usual, it brought a smile to my face and lifted my spirits. Talk about perfect timing–a guy sent an “I’m intrigued” message to me on this dating site (that I quit for the last time yesterday!) about a date idea I had. I wrote him back: “Great. I’d enjoy the company and hearing about what must be a fascinating life, being a journalist.” Never heard back from him. Goodness knows how many “mistakes” I made and “stereotypes” I conjured to scare off a 57 YEAR OLD MAN from visiting the African Art Museum with me. Bloody well right it’s them!

      That’s when I quit the site and found some meetup groups to join: a vegan one, yoga & meditation, and a childless singles social group. There were plenty of reviews similar to mine of that book on, too. What did Billy Joel say? “Don’t go changing to try to please me…” LOL. He’s right (though I wonder if he practiced what he preached;) You are sunshine and roses, those lovely pinky-peach ones that decorate trellises in the prettiest English gardens.

      And just like that, the sun’s come out 🙂 Thanks for sharing your warm glow! I’m headed to a farmer’s market after breakfast, me thinks 😉 My black cat, “the old broad,” Sebrina, tried to send greetings but belched (in a ladylike fashion) instead, I’m afraid. LOL. We Americans can be so rude!

      Peace from one fantastic girl to another.

Lack of communication is unhealthy.

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