The shitting homeless man, suffering neighbor on my hall (I’m not rubbish, btw), loneliness, Will Tuttle’s book–oh crap, “Bewitched, Bothered, and Bewildered” is playing at my “new” Starbucks; it tears at my heart, seriously–anyhoo, stacked atop each other like the library books–dammit, now it’s “What’ll I Do.” You’re killing me with the music, Starbucks–library books practically shouting for attention, wobbling, anxiety shaken, not stirred with lavender melancholy. I’m reading three books already but it’s no good. I’ll never get to all the books on my “to read” list, just as I’ll never–“Desperado?” Are you fucking kidding me? Just rip out my heart and stomp on it, why don’t you?–never save all the suffering people and animals in the world.
Depressive episode, meds’ side effects, orgasmically backed up? A mixture, probably. Oh, and 100% unsatisfactory slumber, restless, feverish, friggin’ shoulder, bookended by kitties, and Zappa’s new habit of meowing and pawing at me for affection whenever I’m horizontal. The !@#$% that punctured (and comforted) me, however, was that my Plan B is alive and well. No, I’m not suicidal but yes, I’m looking for a new therapist.
As for what to do about what got to me, well, I accepted a new friend’s invitation to a free pre-opening dinner at all-vegan Native Foods tonight; as a COK supporter I got my own invitation for a free dinner tomorrow night. Heck yeah, I’m going. I reserved a Zipcar for Saturday ’cause I’m volunteering at Animal Advocate’s Walk for Paws event again. I got the car early enough to enjoy MFVJ’s Coffee Hour before heading to the park and late enough to savor a MFVJ’s dinner. It’s been a couple months. I need a MFVJ fix! The weather lobby’s allowing a sunny and 80 day to boot. Another new friend asked if I wanted to meet for coffee too. Did I want to meet for coffee (shaking head)…as I said, she’s a new friend. She’ll learn. And I’ll need an extra shot or two of espresso.
No, I won’t right the wrongs of the world (or myself) this weekend, but I’ll be doing a few somethings. With new and old friends no less. Who could ask for more?